There are some things I don’t understand about this friendship of ours. One, you don’t want me to change my opinion of you, you want to be immaculately regarded. What the fuck is that? Do you get some kind of a high for that? That is not friendship, you won’t let me see the real you, you won’t make me have a glimpse behind the mask, is that friendship? Not to me.
My life is an open book, to you and to others; I don’t have the right to expect the same in return. It's an act of selfishness to somehow voluntarily open your life for me - as your friend- to see. It gives me the honor to protect you and guard you when you're weak. If you are not ready to share that, I don’t know what to make of it.
I am a woman, maybe that's the reason I want to share your weakness, it makes me think you're human and not some creature out of a huge lump of ego. But you won’t budge. I am tired of almost eternally giving way, I am only human, I can feel, I get tired too, being passionate about our friendship would burn me out if I’m the only one who's trying to make it better.
I don’t want to let go, I don’t want to be a coward, but I don’t want to spend part of my life trying to nurture a one sided platonic relationship, maybe I’m selfish, maybe I’m nuts, but for me, like a romantic relationship, friendship requires two or more people to make. You've lost one, and you didn’t even value your relationship, you treated it like some chronic disease. I turned a blind eye on it.
I failed, as a friend. I failed to at least walk with you towards the right way. I failed to be there to guide you. I failed to be your light. Maybe it shows I failed to be a true friend.
I don’t want to let go. So I would stay with you with a distance. You would only change if you allow yourself. If you don’t want to let us help you, make sure you can do it by yourself. I'll be here in case you need me. You know I’m just a call away. See you.
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