An Inch is a Miles Away

There are some things I don’t understand about this friendship of ours. One, you don’t want me to change my opinion of you, you want to be immaculately regarded. What the fuck is that? Do you get some kind of a high for that? That is not friendship, you won’t let me see the real you, you won’t make me have a glimpse behind the mask, is that friendship? Not to me.

My life is an open book, to you and to others; I don’t have the right to expect the same in return. It's an act of selfishness to somehow voluntarily open your life for me - as your friend- to see. It gives me the honor to protect you and guard you when you're weak. If you are not ready to share that, I don’t know what to make of it.

I am a woman, maybe that's the reason I want to share your weakness, it makes me think you're human and not some creature out of a huge lump of ego. But you won’t budge. I am tired of almost eternally giving way, I am only human, I can feel, I get tired too, being passionate about our friendship would burn me out if I’m the only one who's trying to make it better.

I don’t want to let go, I don’t want to be a coward, but I don’t want to spend part of my life trying to nurture a one sided platonic relationship, maybe I’m selfish, maybe I’m nuts, but for me, like a romantic relationship, friendship requires two or more people to make. You've lost one, and you didn’t even value your relationship, you treated it like some chronic disease. I turned a blind eye on it.

I failed, as a friend. I failed to at least walk with you towards the right way. I failed to be there to guide you. I failed to be your light. Maybe it shows I failed to be a true friend.

I don’t want to let go. So I would stay with you with a distance. You would only change if you allow yourself. If you don’t want to let us help you, make sure you can do it by yourself. I'll be here in case you need me. You know I’m just a call away. See you.

Freckles

I am happy; I live in a utopian dream. The feeling is almost tangible; I can feel it in my veins. This moment is alive; I am alive... more than I can ever be.

What is social decorum? What is a moral code? When one is destined to surrender to her own desires? When one is given that one intense moment to choose between two roads, two walks of life entirely different from each other? No, it has nothing to do with it, not now. My senses are humming, singing a song only I could hear. My heart is beating its wildest, I can almost feel it trying to leap out of my chest and fly free. Yes, I am inflicted.

I stand on this thin line of choice. To entice more, like a product in the market, I've had samples of what I can gain if I cross the line. The border between sanity and afterwards. I felt how it’s like to be there, and it feels good. IF one can have a moment like this, I wonder what they'd do. The battle of wills and morals just started, it's going on in my brain. Like the battle of two kingdoms fighting over a crown of supremacy, like a king overthrowing the other by wits and riches, like the white knight trying to outdo the dark knight. The clash is intense; it's threatening to burst out of me. All in one euphoric moment, in one flash, in one milestone of my life. I would probably remember this forever, though how I feel in the future is not in my mind...yet. How can I think of tomorrow, when all I can think about is now? When all I can see is the moment?

The holy dogma would forever condemn one who crosses the line. Be in for eternal damnation. Would I care? I don't know. I'm not there yet. All that matters is this moment, snippets of what I could have when I'm there. And I am happy with what I am experiencing. I am alive, more than I ever have been, ecstatic more than I could ever be; I am more human than before.

Would you walk away if you find a special being that complement you in every way? Every nonsense thoughts, every outrageous ideas, your unique way of thinking, your particular opinions, would you relent? Honesty with oneself is a question of sort. I know how I feel, I know what I’m doing, I know every possible repercussion, yet the desire refuses to go away.

I am a homo sapiens sapiens, a specie in the animal kingdom regarded as the most elevated of all creations. "Sapiens sapiens" - "wise wise" twice of which is what I am, what I was labeled by the scholars of the world. All because I have the ability to think in the most sophisticated way. But I also have the primal abilities and instincts of almost all the members of my kingdom, the stirrings of the blood, and the yearnings of the soul. Would I be damned by succumbing to these? You tell me once you're there. I daresay we can compare.

I tried to step my foot over the edge, as my foot started to travel from its point of origin to its intended destination, all visions of morality and sensibilities came rushing into my mind, straight to my heart. Would I dare to lose all my treasures in exchange of this one intense moment of freedom? I will release all I hold dear by being free, by being alive, by being selfish.

My foot is in the air, pushing through millions of air molecules, creating a space in the air only for me. The destination is clear, the warnings even clearer in my brain, and my foot is traveling the longest journey I have ever embarked on.

If there is one clear paradoxical moment of restless tranquility, I have gained it. The battle of wills shall never end in this journey.

Then Fate in all its glory came into my world, I was caught with my hands in the cookie jar, with my lips unclear of melted chocolate bits on its side. I felt like I’ve fallen from the highest cliff down to the raging waves of the ocean in a dizzying spiraling motion. My soul has crashed into a million little pieces. And I have seen this before, more and more before. If fate has one thing with her this time, it's her impeccable timing, might she came a moment or two later, my foot will surely be firm on the territory on the other side of the line.

Everything came back, as it happened before, and I have realized I've wounded a good soul. That the one moment I was alive, one soul and one heart almost died.

Yes, I would try to recompense with all my might for what I did even if it’s the last thing I’d do. But would I be granted forgiveness? Would I even dare ask for one, when all I did was try to be free, be alive, and be happy in that unique way? The answer might not come. I don’t know. But I hurt the most possible way; my soul is hurting more than it ever had. And everything came down on me.

For once I know I am really human. I am not perfect, and it's not a reason to defend myself, but it’s something which cannot be defined by science, by religion, or even by words. Yet we all feel it inside, in the way our heart sings, in the way our bones melt, in the way we see the world in a different color, in the butterflies in our stomach. Do not dare to single me out; for you are no exception, we only differ by time and intensity. Everyone is a prey. One of the ways we differ is that I have tried to be honest of myself, for that I would probably gain even the littlest of what they call - peace of mind; together with a lesson I would always remember. I have lost some, but I have gained something, and I have retained more. I am me, I am human, and I have freckles.

Theme: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpmAY059TTY

Top 21 Ways To Make A Woman Fall In Love With You

1. Call her the next day.

- Tell her "hi” in your most unique way. The simplest way possibly. No need to snatch lines from a movie. Let her hear you smile on the phone, that you are actually thankful for another morning with her by your side. Tell her jokes, tell her "take care", and remind her to eat her breakfast, make sure that her first smile in the morning is because of you.

2. Always laugh at her jokes.

- It's never crazy to feel giddy or happy just by hearing her crack corny jokes. The moments is not to feel conscious about moral codes or proper decorum, it's about being yourselves without your social masks. You - being real – are the next important thing to breathing with her.

3. Tell her (truthfully) that you can't wait to see her again.

- Don't tell her especially when you don't mean it or just to say you said it. It would probably make her more angry or irritated. Just like what they say, like a policeman, a woman still wants a confession, even with the evidence presented. In this case, she would want to see it in your face, your eyes, the way you move, the way you talk, these micro expressions would tell her if you really mean it.

4. Offer her a backrub, without asking for one in return.

Just like offering her a cup of coffee when she feels sleepy, offering her a piggyback ride when her feet hurt, offering to wash the dishes when she cooks, these things make her feel loved, and make her feel extremely happy because the simple joy that she feels came from you, and the simple things that you do.

5. Call her just to say you were thinking of her.

- No need for fancy words. Tell her what you miss about her, her eyes, her wit, her sassy attitude, or even her dishes. Telling her she is in your mind makes her feel secure, that she is the only one residing in your memory.

6. Bring her a teddy bear and chicken soup when she's sick.

- Make her feel that you care. Don't carry the teddy like a rag, carry it like a baby. Feed her like a sick toddler, make her say "ah" and tell her the airplane is coming, swing the spoon in an "airplane" motion. Eating in bed is not only for breakfast, do it when she's sick too. As an option, add a long stemmed flower, on the table.

7. Write her a poem.

- Write her one even if you can't carry a romantic verse. The effort is 99% of it. The fact that you bothered to even compose one no matter how bad it sounds would make her feel loved and cherished. You might be surprised how modern women still like poems. Read it to her, look INTO her eyes, let her know that the poem is for her, about how she means to you, and how you love her.

8. Slow dance with her (not only on a dance floor).

- You don't have to be on a dance floor just to dance with her. Dance under the rain, hop and glide under the sun, sing songs in the laundry room, sing her a song in the morning after she wakes up, sing her a lullaby before she sleeps.

9. Bring her flowers for no reason.

- Having a routine especially when bringing flowers would lose the romantic aspect of the deed, bring her one when she least expect it, even if there's no reason. Love doesn't need a reason, it just grows. Make her see that.

10. Send her a (handwritten) letter just to say hello.

- Personalized way of saying something is romantic enough to feel loved and cherished, or sometimes - even make her weep with sheer happiness especially if she is the hopeless romantic type. She might even keep the note and show it to you after 50 years or so. Every note is a token of love or even simple appreciation that you have her.

11. Always remember your anniversaries and bring her something sweet.

- Ah, the timeless dilemma of men. Always remember special dates in your joint lives. Not remembering those might mean war or an unseen crack in your relationship. Remember, women tend to be romantic, therefore dates are never forgotten. Better than buying something sweet, make your own, she'll surely appreciate the effort.

12. Kiss her in the middle of a sentence.

- Depends on what she's saying maybe. If she's really angry, don't. But it may have an effect sometimes, just gauge if you can calm her with a kiss. If she's just telling something or babbling nonsense, do it. You might just get the prize of the day!

13. Take her for a walk at sunset and stay to look up at the stars.

- The timeless walk at sunset and the stargazing at night. She will remember this forever. Make as many memories as you can. While you can. Dream about the future under the skies; reminisce while walking in the sand. Tuck her loose hair strands back on her ear. Look into her eyes and say nothing, let her know - with your eyes - everything you wanted to say.

14. Tell her something about you that no one else knows.

- Sharing a secret is something women like. This makes her feel important. Women knows that generally, men seldom shares their secret especially ones that they think would diminish they capabilities as men in the eyes of the people, and having been confided with one, makes her feel important in your life. She'd do the same even if you don't ask.

15. Remind her that you still think she's beautiful.

- Women value their physical appearance that is a fact. When you are together for quite some time, it is essential that you still tell her that she is beautiful in your eyes. It makes her feel secure and happy.

16. Take a bubble bath together.

- I'd bet you would enjoy this more than anything else in this blog. Do it. Needs no explanation, I'd wager.

17. Watch a sappy movie with her.

- Cry and laugh together by watching a movie. A sappy one at that. Watch in the living room, with the lights off, sit on the floor and envelop her in a hug (in front of you). She might appreciate this more than watching it in the movie house.

18. Surprise her with a candle light dinner.

- If there's a sure click gimmick from the romance 101 books, here it is. A candle light dinner might be cliché, so make it unique. Make a series of slideshows with her pictures from childhood to adulthood. Sing a song for her. Organize a riddle / puzzle game, once she gets the answer, the clue will lead to the dinner place. Read her a poem. Write her a song. Mimic her debut party with only you holding the 18roses, imitating each important man in her life, her father, teacher, classmates, friends, Hollywood favorites, etc. No matter what the "twist" is, make sure there are candles and dinner prepared. Most importantly, don't be late!

19. Never stop trying to impress her.

- Impressing her doesn't end after the courtship period. The challenge is how to keep doing so even if you're together for years. Do not make her regret the choice she had made when she chose you. Always impress her. But check yourself of your reason of doing so. Do not do it to make your ego be inflated like a hot air balloon. The key is "her" not "you".

20. Tell her you love her.

- Women differ from each other. Some women may prefer you to say it every day, every minute, every moment when you're together. Some women would want to keep the magic of the word as it is. Because they trust you to always show it, they would as well trust you on how and when to say it.

21. Never forget how much she means to you.

- This is an affirmation with yourself. Know first why you love her, what love is, and why her. Loving her is not about having someone who would complete your needs. It's about you having so much love that you would want to share it. Thus, she is the woman to complete your soul, and not your ego. When you know this in your heart, trust her to show the same or more. Loving her is not only about passion, but also about companionship, and most importantly... about friendship. Remember, you will spend the rest of your life with her, and she is the closest human being ever to enter your personal domain aside from your parents, so why not be friends with her? It will keep your bond stronger. Remember this forever, and you would never go wrong.

.